The truth that sets you free

It was early December when my mother picked the lock to the bathroom door and found my brother in a full seizure with black hands and feet gasping for air. It was New Year’s Day when my Father picked that very same lock and found me standing sheepishly in a puddle of blood and begged him not to take me to the hospital. The cancer they found took my brother’s life nine short months later. And while the hospital said that I would have bled to death had I waited just another 45 minutes, I did recover from that ruptured cyst, at least physically.

You see, something happened in those months. I stepped into a knowledge that changed me, and try as I might, I just couldn’t change back. I had come to know something that it seemed all of my peers remained blissfully unaware of: Bad things can and do happen. Your body can turn against you unexpectedly. Loved ones can be ripped away from you. Over the years I have watched in anguish as others have stepped into their own version of this knowledge. Spouses can walk away. Disasters can come and everything can be lost. Lay offs and bankruptcies do come. The unthinkable does happen.

Recently, my dear friend lost her beautiful little one just days before she was to see her sweet face and kiss it for the first time. My heart was wrecked and I mean wrecked for her. I cried myself to sleep. My heart physically hurt as I imagined this loss and one day as I was driving I asked the Lord how she was supposed to deal with this new knowledge. While her peers would remain contentedly unaware of this knowledge that children could be ripped away at the very last minute, she would know. How would she not be wracked with fear for each pregnant friend? And what if she should someday see two lines on a stick again? Would it not be the longest nine months of her life? The Lord did not immediately answer.

A few weeks later I was reading the book “Unbroken” the life story of Louis Zamperini (Warning: spoiler alert- however, I would bet Angelina took all the Jesus out of her upcoming movie) After overcoming a troubled childhood he becomes an Olympic athlete, then goes into the war. His plane goes down and is forced to live on a raft for 42 days and then is taken prisoner of war. For four years he endures unthinkable torture, daily. As this is happening I find myself wondering, should he be freed, how would he ever live a normal life again? And sure enough, he is freed… but is tormented with hatred and nightmares and turns to drinking. And me, the Jesus lover, found myself thinking- well, yes, that makes sense. Right before she leaves him, his wife drags him to a Billy Graham crusade, where, you guessed it- he gets saved, forgives all who hurt him and literally never has another nightmare. I swear to you I did not see this coming. Shame on me, I didn’t see redemption coming. Through my tears the Lord begins to speak to me- about not being controlled by what we know, but about surrendering it to him and letting him replace our knowledge with his truth. Wow. We are so proud of our knowledge, but his truth replaces our knowledge. It’s funny. Even when I read fiction, at some point I always find myself accidently praying for the characters. But not this time. When I asked the Lord why, why hadn’t I prayed for this man, he said it was because I had determined it beyond his scope. Wow!

Next week, I’ll make the trek back to Michigan and they’ll be testing for counts to determine were these meds successful in suppressing this and did these counts go down so we can do this and are we ready to move on to that. I have come into a lot of knowledge in this journey of treatment about what things are “supposed” to look like and what things sometimes look like and what they could look like. And this week when symptoms appeared in my body that weren’t supposed to be making an appearance at this point I made a choice to be led by truth instead of knowledge. God’s word is truth. God’s word says that by his word I am healed. God’s word says all things work together for my good and his glory. Truth says everything the eternal one does is right. Truth says he is mighty in battle and he is given me the victory. SO next week, I’ll step into some new knowledge and choose to walk in truth. What about you?

Lyrics to Steady Heart
I can’t see what’s in front of me
Still I will trust You
Still I will trust You
Oh, I can’t see what’s in front of me
Still I will trust You
Still I will trust You

Steady heart that keeps on going
Steady love that keeps on holding
Lead me on
Steady grace that keeps forgiving
Steady faith that keeps believing
Lead me on

Though the sky is dark and the wind is dark.
You’ll never leave me
You’ll never leave me
Though the night is long there is a coming dawn
The light is breaking
The light is breaking

Steady heart that keeps on going
Steady love that keeps on holding
Lead me on
Steady grace that keeps forgiving
Steady faith that keeps believing
Lead me on

Steady heart that keeps on going
Steady love that keeps on holding
Lead me on
Steady grace that keeps forgiving
Steady faith that keeps believing
Lead me on

And as the dawn breaks and the clouds clear
In an open space together we will run

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