The bible says that in this life we will have troubles, that we may be hard pressed at times. I don’t know if you’ve ever been so hard pressed that the pressing pushed the impurities deep within your heart to the surface. I don’t know if the Lord has ever called you to turn and face those ugly impurities and broken places, exposed the cracks, to let him reveal where they came from,what caused them, and how to get rid of them. Or if the hard pressing has ever exposed a hint of doubt within your heart, a question about his goodness.
Tozer says that the greatest, most significant question we can be called to answer at any time is “What do we believe about God? Who do we believe he is?”
This week I had that uncomfortable-in-my-own-skin feeling. I could feel the Lord digging, unearthing things deep within my heart. It hurt, but I asked him to reveal to me what needed to be brought to the surface, for God reveals that he might heal. “Show me Lord, have your own way”, I said while I was making breakfast for my little one, going about my day. Sometimes it feels like God is speaking a thousand things to me in an instant. This was one of those mornings. And then I saw what I hadn’t been willing to see for so, so long. That so much of this health journey over the last several years has been about exposing and healing things that needed to be exposed and healed. The thing is, I thought all of those things were physical. But when he opened up my heart and showed it to me as only he can- I saw it. I wasn’t as whole as I thought I was. There were still places in my heart crying out to be seen and healed. But I hadn’t wanted to see them, hadn’t wanted to see his purposes, his working all things together for my good that might include some painful internal examinations. As I was driving Hayden to school and the Lord was performing surgery on a million different places inside of my heart, as only he can, I felt like he began to show me that hurt place after place- and then I heard his voice in my spirit so clearly say “I want to heal these places”. He wants to set me free. He allows them to be pushed to the surface so that he might heal me. Like a good father, he loves me enough to give me what I need instead of what I want when necessary. Do you know that healing my body is nothing for God? That he can do it in a second, without even wearing himself out? But that he loves me so much he wants all of me to be whole? He wants my heart to be healed and whole. He wants me to take better care of myself. He wants me to walk in health and wholeness. Wow. What kind of love it this? How good is this God that we serve?
This morning I went into Avery’s room very, very early. I watched her sound asleep for a bit. So sweet and so totally out of it. I ran my hands through her hair and I asked, “Do you want to take Mommy to the airport?” Her little eyes weren’t even all the way open but scrunched up against the light when she shot up, threw her hands toward me to pick her up and said “Yes!” In that moment, the Lord spoke to my heart- that’s what he wants from me. That I would love him, enjoy my time with him, trust him to the point that even when he wakes me up early and asks me to go somewhere with him that I don’t even fully understand, I would throw my hands up in the air and say “Yes!”
As Jesus was setting my heart free this week, I came across this song and it reduced me to tears.
“You Set Me Free” by Angie Miller
You find me here alone /I hear a voice that’s so unknown. / It strikes courage up my backbone, /Strength in my heart. / A life set apart; / I see that’s what you are.
You come, you come with open arms. / You say I love you for who you are. / When I was haunted and alone with this baggage on my back, dragging me down. / You set me free, yeaahh. / You set me free, yeaahh. / You set me free.
How quickly will I run away / And let it all go to my head. / I can’t give in to my stubborn heart / And let things that don’t matter get in my way / Why can’t we just listen, / Break down our pride and go ahead.
You come, you come with open arms. / You say I love you for who you are. / When I was haunted and alone with this baggage on my back, dragging me down. / You set me free, yeaahh. / You set me free, yeaahh.
Oh when I’m weak,/ You carried me, / Through the storm, / You set me free / When I’m weak, Oh, You carried me, / Through the storm, / You set me free, / yeaaahh. / You come you come with open arms. / You say I love you for who you are. / When I was haunted and alone with this baggage on my back, dragging me down. / You set me free, yeaahh. / You set me free, yeaahh.
When I’m weak-You carry me. Through the storm, you set me free.
Did you catch that? THROUGH the storm, you set me free. He may not have sent the storms your way- but he’s using them to set you free. Free from the things you don’t want to face. Free from the things you’ve convinced yourself you can never be free from, free from the things you didn’t know you needed to be freed from…